


(Loki X Reader) Perspective

by LVE32



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgard, Asgard (Marvel), Asgardian Loki (Marvel), Asgardian Reader (Marvel), Battle, Best Friends, Cute, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Establishing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Jotunn | Frost Giant, Jötnar | Jotuns | Frost Giants (Norse Religion & Lore), Kissing, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loneliness, Lonely Loki (Marvel), Male-Female Friendship, Marvel Norse Lore, Marvel Universe, Minor Character Death, Morning After, Morning Cuddles, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Graphic Violence, Pining, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Reader-Insert, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, War, check out my other work it's way better, long-ish fic, wrote this ages ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24650908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LVE32/pseuds/LVE32
Summary: Loki has just returned from destroying the ether with his brother, Thor, his bravery and sacrifice earning him a full pardon from his father Odin. However, little has changed in the eyes of the Asgardians; he is still treated as an outcast---a monster---by pretty much everyone...except one curious worrier: Y/N, who thinks there may be more truth to Loki's side of the story than the others believe.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 116





	(Loki X Reader) Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> The following takes place after Thor; The Dark World, when Odin's adopted younger son, Loki, was almost killed whilst executing his brother's (Thor) plan to destroy the Either.
> 
> _____
> 
> P.S: This is super old, like, years old; in fact, it's the first fanfiction I ever wrote 😅 All my other works are recent and staggeringly better quality, honest. I did this when I was a kid, and since then have graduated high school with top grades in English so like srsly pls don't judge my writing abilities on this 😅

Her breaths labouring, Y/N dragged her body into the elevator, keeping a firm hand pressed on the wound in her shoulder and leaned heavily against the solid gold wall. The doors slid shut and she closed her eyes, the peace and quiet of the familiar place she called home; the palace of Asgard, silencing most of the screams still fresh in her mind from battle. Images of the fight still flashing before her vision, she squeezed her free hand into a fist and rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to physically wipe away the memories.

The elevator bell pinged as it reached the last floor. It was such a cheerful sound, she thought, and she couldn't help wondering how something could sound so happy when she had a three-inch hole in her shoulder.

A few days ago, the Frost Giants had declared a miniature war with the Asgardians, and raging battles had been breaking out all over the city ever since. As a Warrior Of The Palace, it was her job to defend the realm, even if it did mean risking her life and receiving near-fatal wounds.

Y/N heaved her weight from the comforting support of the elevator wall and made towards the door, wincing at every movement. When she was in the long winding corridor, she risked removing her hand from the huge gash on her upper arm and peeked at it in the corner of her eye. She was a war hero and had seen blood before, it was so common in fact she just classed it as an occupational hazard, but for some reason seeing her own life force, deep crimson, oozing out from the tear in her flesh made her nauseous.

"Stupid Frost Giants." She cursed under her breath, placing her hand back in its previous position and turning her attention to the task at hand.

Walking down the hallway brought back so many memories for the young god. When she was a child, her and the All Father's son; Thor, had run up and down this hallway, wielding wooden swords strung together with twine and fought epic battles, yelling at the tops of their lungs. She smiled at the memory, it was amazing that those happy, carefree days were only a few hundred years ago.

Growing up in the palace was the best times of Y/N's life. She was the daughter of a woman on the high council, so her whole family had lived in the centre of Asgard for as long as she could remember. She had become good friends with Thor, who was the eldest prince and first in line for the throne, their love of battles and horse riding bringing them together. Y/N and the prince had trained in the art of fighting, they grew older and we're now some of the highest-ranking Warriors Of The Realm and were the first on the scene whenever any invasions were reported. Just a few hours ago they had fought side by side, watching each other's back, trying to keep up to eleven frost giants from entering the city. Obviously outnumbered, they had called for backup, only too late however and the blade of one of the invaders sunk deep into Y/N's shoulder just before she had time to reposition. She had tried to carry on, valiantly, as Thor described it but he insisted she seeks medical attention and had sent her back to the palace. She had protested, adamant that she could continue fighting, and complained that the Healers wouldn't be quick enough. The weight was at least a few hours, and then there was paperwork and- well it would take too long. So Thor had suggested his brother Loki. He could fix her shoulder quickly and she would be out there on the battlefield, fighting again in no time, as the prince had described it.

Sighing irritably at her weakness, Y/N approached the last door of the hallway and stood in front of it, hesitant to go in. Was she really ready to talk to the person on the other side? After what he did? Betraying Asgard, betraying Thor, betraying everyone? Her shoulder twinned painfully and she groaned, she had no choice.

Y/N knocked on the door with her free hand, noticing the drying flakes of her enemies blood on her knuckles.

"Come in." A smooth voice drifted through the wood. She took a last deep breath, wiping her hand on her armour in an attempt to rid it of the red stains and pushed the mahogany open.

...

The inside of Loki's room was just as she expected it to be. Luxurious and plain, full of shelves of neatly stacked books and piles of parchment, emerald green linen on the perfectly made bed, gold tassels hanging from the corners of the throw pillows arranged about the headboard. Y/N had never been in the prince's room or even spoken to the god much in the past years. She knew he was quiet and clever, he liked to keep to himself and usually carried a thick old volume around under his skinny arms when he was a child. Although they had merely exchanged meaningless pleasantries every now and again in passing, she still felt an unexplainable sense of loathing deep in her stomach whenever she was near him and tried her best to keep out of his way.

The man himself was now perched on the window sill, facing the sunny outdoors. He had his legs in a crossed position and one brought up to lean his elbow on his knee, holding his head up with a large, slim palm. 

Everything about Loki was slim. He was tall and gangly, though he moved with elegant grace, his general aura seems to give an air of superiority. She had heard him being described as brutally honest, with a wicked intellect. No wonder he had betrayed the realm, if anyone would, it would be him, she thought. Unable to help a small sneer tug at her lips, Y/N cleared her throat and came further into the room.

"Thor said you would give me medical---"

"I know what Thor said. And I can not help you," his words sliced through hers coolly, though still with a hint of defiance. He stayed facing the window, which was open and the light summer breeze gently licked at his raven hair, making it look almost soft, though she knew someone like him probably wasn't capable of such a quality. 

Y/N sighed, she knew this would be difficult. "He said you're the only one who could heal this kind of wound quickly. He told me to come to you."

"And I'm telling you to leave," his tone was urbane, his words seemed to run through the inside of your ears like syrup, benumbing your senses and clouding your judgment. He could make anything ground like a compliment. 

Y/N huffed. Tricksters. "He promised you would help. Look, I don't have time for this," temper rising, she raised her voice and gestured to the city framed by the window, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I have to be out there, fighting for _your_ world. If I don't, some Frost Giant might come and take you home." She smirked, knowing she had struck a nerve bringing up the prince's true parenthood. 

He seemed to flinch; he was paying attention now.

She tried to keep the pain of her shoulder at bay, it was now at a slow, throbbing ache, and had to focus hard on his voice as it was so quiet when he replied:

"Do not speak of my real parentage," even though so softly, it harboured venom and sounded close to a snarl. 

Y/N couldn't help a shiver of ice crawl up her back but she stood her ground. "Just fix my shoulder Loki, or you'll have Thor and Odin to answer to." Moving toward the prince's bed, she fell onto the soft mattress and sat, slumped, letting the pain finally catch up with her. After standing so long, and losing so much blood, her vision was getting fuzzy at the edges and the world seemed to be leaning a little to the left. She saw movement in the corner of her eye and watched as the slender figure of the prince swung his feet onto the floor and pushed himself off the lip of the sill and stood to his full height, coming towards where she sat on the bed. 

Having been at full health at the time, Y/N usually would have felt scared, having a man with equal amounts of wrath and evil being so close, but now all she felt was numb. 

He sat next to her on the bed, the mattress dipped with the weight and he quickly placed a firm hand on her back as she threatened to fall with the sudden unbalance. Probably seeing what a bad state she was in, Loki sighed irritably.

"Fine. I'll fix your shoulder. Just don't bleed on my bed." He demanded, taking her wrist in his long fingers and pulling it away from her wound.

Y/N, though half-unconscious because of the pain, still felt hesitant to expose her cut to the god but brought her hand down to rest on her knee anyway, knowing she didn't really have a choice. Gripping the fabric of her stained trousers tightly, she whimpered as he moved the armour off her shoulder, exposing her flesh to the chilly air of his room. 

It was always a little cold around Loki, she guessed it was a frost giant thing.

Loki chuckled deep in his chest at the sound of her pain. "I thought you were a warrior?" he teased, snapping his fingers, causing a wet cloth to appear in his hand which he then used to dab at the wound.

"I am," Y/N snapped back as bravely as she could, though it was hard not to whimper again as the warm water from the cloth was placed on the laceration. 

Loki hummed, showing he wasn't convinced, though he wasn't paying much attention now. His pale fingers had magicked up a needle and some thread, which he delicately looped through the eye and was about to start stitching. "This will hurt," he warned, gentler this time, and Y/N clenched her jaw firmly and braced herself as the needle was inserted into her skin. 

She attempted to ignore it. Loki's face was close to hers as he bent over her shoulder. He was so near in fact that if he moved even slightly further forward, his pointed nose would be touching the side of her face. She had never been so close to him, she could feel his cold breath causing goosebumps to erupt on her skin. It made her squirm uncomfortably, heat rising to her cheeks.

She was brought back to reality when she winced again as the needle hit a sensitive area, and tried to focus on something other than the pain. Looking around the room, she failed to find a good distraction, so her eyes couldn't help wandering back to Loki's face. She noticed the god's eyes were many shades of light greens, forming a leafy sort of colour. He had a pointy nose, pointy chin and sharp cheekbones and jawline. His concentrating face made him look less threatening, and she watched his fingers move with defined accuracy. He licked his thin lips absently, tongue sliding smoothly over this perfect white teeth.

After a few minutes and about ten quick stitches later, Loki announced he was done and pulled her armour back up to cover her shoulder.

Clearing her throat, Y/N stood quickly, eager to leave, but her head began to spin and she fell straight back down, nearly blacking out. 

...

Opening her eyes groggily, Y/N was greeted by the Loki's smug face, grinning wickedly down at her, emerald eyes sparkling.

"Warrior," he mocked, and she pushed him aside and sat up, one hand clutching her forehead as the room still reeled.

"Let's see you get stabbed and see how you respond," she shot back sarcastically, still not quite ready to stand yet.

"I have been stabbed. Defending your boyfriend as it so happens," Loki spat back defensively, appearing in front of her, brow pulled together in annoyance, arms folded angrily over his chest. 

And wait, what?

"He isn't my boyfriend. And What are you talking about?"

The prince sighed, running his fingers through his feathery hair, and began pacing back and forth. "Thor didn't tell you?" He reminded Y/N of a show animal trapped in a cage. 

"No. He didn't say anything about you saving his life. Just you know, all the other stuff like you trying to kill him and attempting to enslave mankind," unable to help the anger creeping back into her voice.

"I was forced to do that. But that's not the point. Why didn't Thor tell you?" He seemed, if she didn't know any better, a little hurt.

"Maybe because you didn't do it." She wasn't going to believe anything the god of mischief said. Lying is his second nature. 

He sighed again. "After fleeing Asgard a few years ago, we were transported to another world and confronted with Malekith, who was planning to bring the darkness with the Either. This is after I was enslaved when I fell from the Bifrost by the way, and I had my own mind back. Anyway, I tricked Malekith's army into thinking I was working with them and when they tried to take the Either and stab Thor, I intercepted it and took the blow instead."

Y/N was shocked. It couldn't be true. Although...Thor was very secretive about what happens that day... "How am I supposed to trust you are telling the truth?" She asked sceptically. Surely her best friend would have told her if he was nearly killed then saved by his supposedly evil brother? And what was all this about being enslaved by Malekith?

"Here." He grabbed the bottom of his deep green shirt and pulled it up to his ribs, revealing a large, ugly scar from his navel to his prominent hip. Y/N gulped, she wanted to look away or to ask if it still hurt...

No, stop. He is probably lying. Trickster remember.

"You could have gotten that from anywhere. Or it's not there at all, you are magic after all. I'm not stupid." Her cheeks flushed as the realisation he may be having her on.

He groaned in exasperation, "I'm not lying! Ask Thor if you don't believe me." He pulled his shirt down again and smoothed out the fabric.

"Fine, I will. How long 'til this thing heals, I have to be back out there as soon as possible." Y/N nodded at her shoulder. She suddenly remembered the frost Giants invading the north gate and began to try stand again, slower this time so the room stayed more or less on a 180-degree axis. 

Loki seemed to snap out of deep thought and raised his eyebrows at the young warrior in disbelief, who was now looking rather dizzy and like she may fall over at any moment. "Get back out there'? You just got stabbed! Rest, leave the fighting to Barbie." He nudged her back down and rolled his eyes, falling onto the bed next to Y/N, who glared at him.

"Who's 'Barbie?" She didn't think it was a compliment. 

Loki laughed and looked sideways at her. "You've never been to Midgard have you?" 

Y/N's curiosity pined for more information, though she knew she shouldn't be sitting with her best friend's arch-enemy talking, she should be outside, defending her city. "No. And of course, we all know you have." 

The corner of his thin lips tugged upwards in his trademark smirk. "Yes. Lots of times. You should go. The humans have very interesting traditions. Sure, they are a little odd, but it's better than here."

"You don't like Asgard?"

"Not at all. Though I don't really like anywhere, to be honest." The god looked at the hardwood floor, seemingly very interested in a large crack in the pallet. 

Y/N let her kind nature get the better of her.

"There must be somewhere you like. Everyone has somewhere." She remembered her favourite place to hide as a child when she felt down; a large willow tree on the palace grounds. It was tall and had great ropey branches bowing down, kissing the ground, leaves forming the perfect canopy to hide her from the outside world.

Loki didn't look up from his feet. "Not really. Fitting in is hard... When you're adopted." Silence fell again but Y/N felt less tense and scared, more filled with a sudden hollow feeling in her gut. The sudden change in atmosphere felt odd. She had never really thought about what it must have been like growing up as a Frost Giant in a world full of Asgardians.

"I guess it is." She turned sideways and offered the prince a small smile. 

He smiled weakly back. It was so genuine Y/N almost believed she was talking to a different person to the narcissistic traitor she had asked to fix her shoulder earlier.

...

"Well, thank you for stitching me up." Ducking under Loki's arm which was holding the door open for her.

"Mm. Don't go using it too much, it still has to heal," he advised, and she smiled.

"No promises."

Loki rolled his eyes and waited until she was on the other side of the door frame before closing it quietly, unable to stop the corners of his own lips turning a little upward. "Warriors," he sighed. 

The lock clicked and the mahogany fitted into place with an ominous thud that echoed off the solid gold walls, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts in the abandoned hallway.

The silence didn't last long, however, because as she neared the elevator, the doors slid open and a tall blond man rushed out, wielding a large cubed hammer in his burly fist. His sky blue eyes were filled with the exciting sparks of battle, dirty blond hair tousled and sticking to the beads of sweat that had bloomed on his forehead. When he caught sight of his friend, a wide grin spread over his face and his gaze seemed to gain some focus as he approached her, then with surprising delicacy, reaching out to cup her face. He bent down to examine her, tilted her chin up with his fingers. Finding no immediate damage, the Norse god clapped her firmly on the back, nearly shoving her across the room, his grin returning.

"Y/N! I'm so glad you are well! You will be pleased to know that that battle is over. Back up arrived and we fought valiantly. Later we feast and toast our victory, but now, how is your wound?" His booming voice dropped to a gentler baritone, the hand on her back moving to rest on the back of her neck. The weight was comforting and somehow lulled some of the remaining pain a little.

"It is improving. Loki stitched it up." 

Thor's smile widened. "That is fantastic. He didn't give you any trouble?" 

They began walking to the elevator, stepping inside and pushing the down button.

"No, he was okay. He only needed a bit of persuasion." 

Thor nodded and silence fell as they waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor. Y/N flashed back to what Loki had said, about him saving thor's life. Was there even a slight chance it was true?

She had to ask. Just to be sure.

"Hey, by the way, what exactly happened when you and Loki were stopping Malekith?" Could have been a little smoother. 

Thor seemed to stiffen, his hand slipped off the back of her neck, leaving it colder than before and he shifted his weight from foot to foot. "It's just as I told you. I destroyed the Aether. Defeated Malekith."

Y/N had a feeling the god may not be telling the complete truth. She paused, wondering if she should push it further. What did he have to hide anyway? ".... Loki seems to think he helped. And saved your life." Some kind of tension was rising. All of a sudden she felt like an employee sharing an elevator with a higher ranking official, rather than two life-long friends. 

Thor cleared his throat. "Well, I guess... Maybe you could say that he... Assisted me...in some ways."

Y/N narrowed her eyes and turned to him. He stared at the elevator walls. "In what way exactly? You didn't really answer the question." 

Suddenly the familiar ping of the doors sounded and they slid smoothly open. Thor's shoulders seemed to sag with relief and he put his hand back in its previous position between Y/N's shoulder blades, nudging her forward and out of the lift. 

A large crowd of about twenty warriors, bloody and weary from the fight were milling about the entry hall, waiting to greet them. The sound of cheering resonated about the large room, feet stamped on the marble floor, creating a sound of accomplishment and achievement.

"They wanted to surprise you, seeing as you fought so bravely today." Thor grinned down at Y/N. 

She couldn't help smiling at the sentiment and support from her peers, but as she was being hugged and congratulated from every angle still her mind wandered to her friend acting so odd about a simple question. What had he been trying to hide? What didn't he want to talk about? Is there the slightest possibility that Loki, God of mischief is possibly telling the truth? Her brain replayed the image of the prince pulling up his shirt, the chalk-white skin that had formed over quite obviously a close to fatal wound, the thick line rising and falling with the contours of his muscles. Did he really take that hit to save his brother? What if she was wrong about him? 

Y/N looked over at Thor, who was taking a large swig from a silver metal flask and punching a bearded guy on the arm playfully as they talked in booming voices about the battle. He didn't seem the secretive kind. Or the kind to lie to his friends. But maybe...

...

As Y/N edged away from the crowd she wondered what was the easiest way to get to the top floor without being spotted. She couldn't use the lift, but she needed to go back, she had more questions. 'Why is this even bothering me so much?' She asked herself, ducking behind a pillar as Sif strode past to join the celebrations. 

When the coast was clear, the young god tiptoed to the old door in the corner of the room. It is hidden by an ancient tapestry, depicting Asgard being built in the old ages. Not many people knew this door was here but she remembered hiding there as a child when she and Thor were playing hide and seek during one of Odin's coronations.

Pulling the tapestry aside and slipping behind it, she felt in the dark for the rusty doorknob and twisted it, hard, the sound of uneven metal scraped as it suddenly gave way and swung open, revealing an equally dark corridor. She didn't know for certain that it led to the top floor but she had a pretty good guess it at least led to so where near the main stairs.

...

Feeling her way through the dark, Y/N's foot made contact with something hard, figuring it was a cobble stairway, she began climbing. Proceeding in a twisted spiral, she went up for what felt like ages before finally smacking face-first into another door. Rubbing her nose, she shook her head that felt mildly dazed, as well as being disoriented in the pitch darkness and reached out to locate the handle. Finding a loop of metal, she pulled but nothing happened, so she braced herself and threw her whole body weight into the door against her good shoulder. 

All at once, the oak slab swung open. Y/N was temporarily blinded by the daylight and wildly off balance. She tumbled into the room, catching herself just before falling onto the faded pallet floor. Confused, she looked around at her surroundings. 

The room looked familiar and sure enough, there was Loki, poised in attack position. He wielded an emerald encrusted bronze sword, the point inches from her nose. His look of anger melted to confusion, and he let his arms fall to his side, posture returning to his more relaxed stance. "Y/N?"

"... I didn't know that door led here." She felt her cheeks heat up, realising there was probably cobwebs tangled in her hair and dust on her trousers where her knees had skidded the floor, falling down a couple of times in the corridor. It was dark, how was she supposed to know the stairs were uneven?

"What are you doing in my room? And how did you know about that door?" His eyebrows were still raised and he didn't put the sword down, his expression mildly suspicious.

"I was looking for you actually, but I meant to be in the main hallway first. And as for the door... It's a long story." Y/N blew a few stray hairs out of her face and stood up a little straighter. 

Loki seemed to get over the initial shock of a random girl bursting through his wall and walked a few steps closer to her, squinting at her face. He cupped a cool finger under her chin and moved it up to get a better look at their nose. "Mm. What did you do to your nose?"

She wanted to pull away but he was being gentle and she figured she wasn't in any real danger. "I walked into a door." 

Loki couldn't help smirking, a small laugh escaped him. 

Y/N tried to glare back but it was rather funny and they both stood giggling for a few seconds.

"It seems you are always hurting yourself." He let her go and turned to slide the sword back into its sheath and place it back on the stand mounted on the wall. "And to what do I owe the pleasure?" He turned back to her and Y/N brushed the dust off her legs.

"I... really wanted to know some more about what happened that day. You know, when you got that scar." 

His expression hardened and he took a seat on the edge of his bed, same place as earlier, patting the space next to him, inviting Y/N to do the same. 

She did, and he took a deep breath.

"I don't really know how much Thor has told you, if it's not a lot then it may be a little hard to hear." Y/N cocked her head and met the god's emerald eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that your buddy Thor may not look so good when you realise he has been lying to you." She thought about it.

"I don't care. I want to hear it."

"Okay then. Well---"

Loki spoke for what felt like an hour. He told her about how Thanos had enslaved him when he had fallen from the Bifrost and forced him to try overthrow Midgard and given him a sceptre that made sure he didn't escape. That his own brother helped the avengers beat him up and put him in chains for doing something he didn't even know he was doing. Then Thor had changed his mind somehow and had broken him out of prison and asked for his help to get the tesseract. How he had betrayed the realm to recruit him and sneak him through portals to fight with Malekith. Thor had planned for Loki to pretend to be working with the dark elf, then just as he was about to be attacked, Loki would intercept it and take the blow instead. He also said about how Thor had a secret girlfriend back on Midgard. Y/N knew herself and the god we're not dating, but it still bugged her for some reason. Then he said about how Thor had left Loki to die after being stabbed and he had to make his own way back to Asgard.

Y/N listened, her insides slowly twisting into a knot, scrunching in on themselves. Loki risked his life to save Thor and he hadn't even see if he was okay or try to help him? And why was his girlfriend a secret? And why didn't he tell her Loki was actually a good person? He let her hate him for all this time...

When the prince finished, he sighed and ran a hand threw his hair and bit his lower lip, awaiting her response. 

Y/N sat in stunned silence for a few seconds. "And you promise you are telling the truth?" She couldn't help asking, though her scepticism had almost disappeared completely. 

He looked her deep in the eyes, his expression almost pleading. "I swear."

She nodded and all of a sudden, threw her arms around him in a tight hug. 

The god was shocked and she felt his body stiffen, then relax and his long arms encircled her gently as he returned the hug. 

"You realise you saved the whole of The Nine Realms by destroying the ether, right?" She asked, though he wasn't really listening. Y/N was warm and it felt nice having her chin rest on his broad shoulder. "You saved so many lives, including mine and you got no credit. You risked your life for us and I have been so mean to you. I'm sorry." She squeezed him a little tighter and pulled away, leaving his body feeling cold and his cheeks tinted a light pink.

"It's okay, I don't mind." He brushed the topic aside and stood, feeling a little awkward and wandered over to the window.

Y/N got up too and moved behind him. "It's not okay. Do you realise how unfair all this is? I mean, sure, you got let out of jail but I don't think I have seen you leave this room since then. And how many people have come up to thank you for saving them? I mean, Thor got a party with the whole kingdom invented! And by the sound of it, he didn't do anything!"

"I guess people still haven't forgiven me for the whole invading Midgard thing."

Y/N gripped his upper arm and shook it excitedly. "That's only because they don't know all the facts. We should tell them! Maybe you would be accepted again?" 

Loki sighed, facing her. "I don't think they would believe us. But as I said, it's okay. I'm used to it. I wouldn't really like all the attention anyway. I'm not like Thor."

Y/N scowled. She was still angry at Odin's eldest. "I can't believe he lied to me."

"He didn't really lie... Just didn't tell you the whole truth."

"You still defend him? After he left you with a spear in your chest? After he took all the credit for what you did?" 

He shrugged. "I don't really have any other options." Loki placed his hand on Y/N's good shoulder, leaning down to her level. "I have let it go because you can't let life being unfair keep getting to you. I moved on and accepted that that is how Thor is. And I suggest you do the same." He removed his hand and walked to his bookshelf, running a slim finger down the spine of a worn-out novel and sliding it off the shelf.

Y/N frowned. "No. I will not just let this go. I am a strong believer in justice, and I don't think it is okay that you should have to live up here by yourself while Thor gets away with hogging the glory. Come on, we need to talk to him." She took his palm determinedly and pulled him towards the door.

"What?! No! We can't! What would we say to him? 'Hey remember a year ago when I saved you and you left me to die? Well, I finally decided that was wrong and I want a party'? I appreciate the sentiment but that's stupid." He stopped and tried to pull himself free from her grip but Y/N didn't let go.

"We don't have to say that. Just tell him...Tell him..." She trailed off. What would she say? As far as Thor knew, they were still best friends. He didn't know she was even up here. Her hand flopped down to her side and she sighed. "Fine. But I still think it's unfair." 

Loki smiled weakly at her. "I know you do. And thank you. It...means a lot that you believe me."

"Mm. And don't think that I won't give Thor a piece of my mind."

Loki laughed, he was quickly becoming fond of this small feisty warrior.

...

That night there was a huge feast to celebrate the victory at the North Gate and so, of course, the whole kingdom was invited. The main hall of Asgard palace was bustling with people, children, parents, grandparents, rich and poor. The noise boomed and resonated off the gold walls, amplifying the voices slurred with mead and rumbling laughter as warriors retold their stories of battle.

Y/N, holding a high place in the ranks of warriors, sat next to Thor, at the end of the long table down the centre of the hall. Loki sat across from her and she gave him a warm smile when their eyes met, which he returned. She wasn't so pleasant to Odin's firstborn son and gave him the cold shoulder for most of the evening. Not that he noticed. Thor was so loud and Y/N only just realised quite how self-centred he could be, yelling down the table, demanding people pass the plates, taking more food than everybody else. Maybe he wasn't that bad, but Y/N was still angry at him and that seemed to amplify his imperfections. She just couldn't get it out of her head that he left Loki to die after he risked his life to save him. She never knew he was so heartless. It was odd, seeing the blond man as her best friend one minute then having her whole perspective flipped and not being able to stand to be anywhere near him the next. Her fist tightened around her fork so much it was bent out of shape at the very thought of him.

"Y/N, would you care for some rolls? They are delicious. Here, let me cut it for you." Thor reached over the person next to him to grab the wicker basket of bread and took a bun in his large hand and began slicing it with his meat knife.

"Thank you, but I can do it myself." Y/N snatched it off him and ripped the soft dough the rest of the way, shoving one half in her mouth and chewed aggressively. 

Thor looked confused and raised his eyebrows at her. "Did I do anything to upset you?" He asked, taking a piece of bread for himself.

"No." Y/N started on the other half of the roll.

"Are you sure? You seem angry."

"Well duh," She snarled back sarcastically, then stopped herself. "Sorry. I am probably being stupid." She meant it sincerely; to be fair, he didn't know what he did wrong, but it still came out with a hint of malice.

"Why are you angry?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you screwed over your own brother?" She began cutting up her sprigs of broccoli with such force, one flew to the edge of her plate and she had to stab it with her fork to prevent it from hitting Loki in the eye.

"I did no such thing!" He bellowed back defensively. She turned to him and calmed her voice.

"Look, I'm just a little angry right now. I found some stuff out about what happened with the whole thing with the dark elves and I just find it a little hard to deal with. Maybe it's best if we don't talk for a bit."

Thor's expression dropped. "Oh."

Y/N sighed. "Just, maybe it was necessary to use Loki as someone working of the inside, it makes sense, but why didn't you at least go back and help him afterwards? You know, when he was bleeding to death?"

The god's mouth opened and closed as he tried to formulate an answer. After a few seconds, Y/N's anger growing steadily, she turned back to her food, picked up her plate and stood from the bench.

"Wait. Where are you going?!" Thor's confused voice followed her as she walked round to the other side of the table and stood by the empty space next to Loki.

He looked up at her with his eyebrows raised and a small smirk playing on his thin lips.

"Is this seat taken?" She asked.

"...No, but I thought you were sitting with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend. I don't even know if he is my friend anymore." She flopped down miserably next to the prince and poked her mashed potatoes around her plate with her knife.

Loki shook his head and nibbled the end of a carrot.

"You are making such a big deal out of this," he said back cooly. 

There was a pause before Y/N said quietly: "I just thought he was different." 

Loki noticed her change in tone and slumped shoulders and gave her a sideways smile, nudging her ribs with his pointy elbow. "Hey, you'll get over it. You two are meant to be best friends. And anyway, lighten up, this is your celebration party."

Y/N snorted. "I didn't do anything. I just got stabbed and sat out most of the time."

"You couldn't really help that though could you?"

Y/N just put a spoonful of peas in her mouth. 

Loki's grin widened. "You warriors, you're all the same. Just be proud of yourself for once."

...

The rest of the dinner went rather well. Y/N enjoyed getting to know the prince a little more and he enjoyed having someone to talk to for once. Thor couldn't help glancing in their direction to see what they were laughing at every now and again. He was still very confused about why his seemingly best friend suddenly decided to go sit with his adopted little brother, whom she had displayed a distinct distaste for as long as he could remember. So he hadn't gone back to help Loki? So maybe he should have thought up a better plan that didn't involve getting one of them fatally wounded. He just wasn't thinking. Y/N was sure to forgive him.

Time went on, the sun set in the sky and the crowd thinned, moving to the grounds outside to enjoy wine under the stars. Loki and Y/N were one of the last few still up the table. He nibbled his bottom lip, then pushed himself to ask:

"Y/N? Would you like to go outside?" 

She smiled. "Definitely." 

They rose from their seats, leaving Thor to watch them as they left. Finding a space further away from the crowd of people, they sat on the moist grass, the sky sprawled out above them and Loki moved into a lying down position on his back. Y/N watched him intently. He seemed quite at peace, oddly tranquil, white dots reflecting in his bright eyes. Y/N now liked being with the prince, once she knew he wasn't a mass murderer---at least not on purpose. His presence was calming, in a way, once you get past the many layers of sarcasm and ice. He had a kinder side that she previously was oblivious of. Maybe had they spent more time together as kids, she would have been friendlier to him too, growing up.

Loki let out a contented sigh. "You know, in Midgard, there ain't nearly so many stars." His velvet voice almost a whisper.

"No?" She shuffled closer to him and lay down herself, taking in the galaxy above them. It was truly beautiful. It was like a small child had taken a tube of silver glitter and shook it over a deep navy canvas.

"No. On Earth, you can't usually see Eridanua or Orion. Or Auriga." He pointed a slender finger up at each constellation.

"You know the stars?" Y/N asked quietly, turning her head a little to see his silhouette against the light of the moon.

"Mm. I really liked astronomy as a child."

"What's that one?" She nodded to the brightest star on her left.

"Spica. And that one there is Mars. You know the humans are trying to make homes there?" He said with a chuckle. 

Y/N grinned. "They're not." He nodded, smiling.

"They are. I heard about it when I went to earth. They are an odd species...humans. You must admire them though. So full of wonder."

They looked back to the heavens again and Y/N couldn't help the dreamy intoxication she felt whenever she lay outside at night. After a few minutes of quiet silence, she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. 

"You are tired?" The god asked.

Y/N yawned again. "Just a little. It's been a long day."

"Yes. How is your shoulder?"

Y/N moved it in a circular rotation and winced.

"Not as bad as it was this morning."

"Good." 

She couldn't believe it was only this morning she thought the god was a lying traitor. And now she was laying on the grass, talking about space with him? A lot can happen in a day.

...

After a few minutes of peaceful stargazing, Loki seemed to note a large figure striding towards them. Y/N noticed him tense and sit up, backing away from the silhouette a little.

"What is it?" She asked, sitting up too.

"Someone I don't really want to see," he said back quietly. The shape got closer and he cleared his throat, straightening his back. His cowering was quickly replaced however by his well rehearsed cocky, bored expression and he ran a hand smoothly through his raven hair.

"Brother, what are you doing?" Thor's deep voice rumbled over them, like thunder. The light of the harvest moon shone off his face and blond hair, making it appear almost white. He didn't look happy and Y/N understood why the prince didn't want to see him at the moment. She was tempted to slink away herself, but she stayed put.

"Nothing. What are you doing?" Loki drawled back in a very convincing confident tone.

"Don't get smart with me brother, what lies have you been filling this girl's head with?" Thor crossed his arms and looked down at them like an annoyed parent.

"No lies. Just the truth, seeing as you wouldn't give it to her."

The thunder god's expression went darker. He turned to Y/N and his voice dropped to an almost pleading tone. "You must not trust him Y/N. He is the god of lies! He is manipulating you!"

She pushed aside that feeling of doubt that Thor's familiar voice managed to creep back into her mind, and crossed her arms. "I can do what I want. You are not in control of me." 

This seemed to make the god angrier and he threw his arms around his head as he spoke, passing back and forth. "Please dear friend, you must listen to me! We don't know what he is planning. He could be using you!"

Y/N sighed.

"Thor. Did you or did you not leave him to die?"

His expression wasn't visible in the low light but Y/N made an educated guess that he was avoiding her eyes. 

"And did you or did you not take all the credit for what happened with the ether?" 

He said nothing.

"Then I rest my case. And would you please leave? I would like to be away from you right now." She folded her arms behind her head, ignoring the searing pain of moving her shoulder in that way and lay down again, turning to the stars waiting for the moon's light to shine on her again. 

Thor opened his mouth as if to say something and then decided against it, and turned round to walk away. Then he stopped and in a small voice said quietly: "Look after her, brother."

As his tall figure disappeared over the lawn and into the warm light of the palace, Loki let out a long sigh. "Well, that could have gone better," his tone returning back to normal.

"Mm," Y/N hummed, she didn't want to think about it. She had never argued with the Thor before, at least not properly. She was pondering what this meant for their relationship when Loki's voice nudged her daydream aside:

"You do realise you are giving up your friendship for me don't you?" Fixing her under a deep stare.

"Yep," Y/N replied, popping the 'p'.

Loki's lips twitched up at the corners. "And you know that is probably not wise? I have never had a real friend before, I'll get things wrong."

Y/N kept her eyes fixed on the tiny glowing dot that was Mars. "I know."

"And you are going to anyway?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Thank you."

...

Weeks went by, Y/N's shoulder healed. She fought more battles, spent days patrolling the fences, went for walks around the grounds, everything went on as normal. 

Except she still hadn't spoken to Thor since the night on the grass. 

Instead, she would take the elevator up to the top floor and knock on the mahogany door at the end of the corridor and speak to Loki. It became a routine thing, instead of going riding with Thor, she would sit on the sill of the Loki's window and tell stories of that day's battles. Instead of sitting by Thor at the dining table during dinner, she would sit by Loki and they would talk quietly amongst themselves instead of joining in with the loud yelling and obscure drinking games the others took part in. 

It was nice for Y/N to have someone's undivided attention. Usually, about ten people at once wanted to talk to Thor, but now she was friends with the person everyone in the kingdom virtually ignored, she never had any competition. And he was good company. He was quiet, and liked to listen instead of being the centre of attention, and he was surprisingly caring when he wanted to be.

Today, Y/N was laying on the prince's bed, staring at the ceiling while Loki sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. Y/N sighed loudly. "There must be something we could do today."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Anything." She turned on her front and buried her face in one of Loki's gold-threaded pillows. It smelt of him, sort of like expensive cologne and old books. She felt the mattress dip as someone sat next to her on the bed.

Loki looked down at the young warrior---his friend---(that felt good to say) the way her hair spread about the pillow. His thoughts were interrupted when she sat up suddenly and turned to face him, pulling her legs up into a crossed position.

"Show me a magic trick?" she suggested excitedly.

Loki chuckled at how childish she was, but opened his large palm, all the same, holding it out. In the centre, hovering just over his pale skin, a small wisp of icy blue smoke fluttered in the breeze from the open window. Y/N leaned forwards and watched it, seemingly fascinated. Inspired by her interest, the god focused his power, forcing the wisp to grow, until it was a vortex of thousands of tiny crystals of frozen water, swirling in the centre of his hand. Suddenly the shards clustered together to form a bird, like an eagle, it spread its wings, expanding to a meter wide and leaped out of the invisible confinements so of Loki's palm and soared about the room, weaving in and out of the bedposts, then exploded in a flurry of snowflakes that slowly dissipated before they reached the ground. The snowflakes reflected in Y/N's eyes as she watched in wonder, then grinned at the prince and she took his hand and examined it.

"That's amazing! How do you do it?"

"I don't know." Loki watched her, and couldn't help smiling to himself as she turned his hand over, apparently looking for the source of his powers.

"Well, it's really cool. Can you do fire?" After finding nothing, she dropped his palm, leaving it colder than before and the prince shrugged.

"Sort of, but it's a lot harder. I guess it's a frost giant thing. Hey, I just thought of something we could do today."

...

"Is it much farther?" Y/N panted, lagging behind and dragging her feet. They had been walking for what seemed like hours and the hot sun and thick armour meant that she uncomfortably hot---as well as being out of breath.

"Not far now. Come on, we haven't been walking that long," Loki laughed, stopping to allow her to catch up.

"Easy for you to say. You have longer legs than me." 

Y/N finally stood next to him for the first time since the large hill a few miles ago and grabbed his upper arm as he started to carry on walking.

"I'm not dragging you." He smirked down at her as she moaned in annoyance. "You're a worrier, you're supposed to be good at things like this."

"Fighting. I'm supposed to be good at fighting," she corrected.

He rolled his eyes. "Here." 

They stopped at what appeared to be a wall of thick plants, tangling together, covering the entire side of a large cliff. Y/N raised her eyebrows at the mass of thick stems and leaves, and turned to Loki, who didn't seem to have realised that they had reached a dead end. 

As if sensing her confusion: "Don't be so quick to judge." He reached out a pale hand and pulled the leaves aside, like a curtain, revealing a jagged cave entrance, the inside as black as space itself. 

Y/N gulped nervously. "We aren't going in there are we?" She wasn't entirely sure that they would find a way out again. It looked like the mountainside was gaping at them, like those fish that lure smaller fish into their mouths before clamping them shut and swallowing them whole.

"Of course we are. Come on, I promise it's worth it." Loki stepped forward into the cave and Y/N sucked in a breath, waiting for the stone to come crashing down around him, but nothing happened. He turned round confidently and gave her a look. "What are you waiting for?"

"N-nothing. Nothing at all. I was just...Never mind. Hey, wait for me!" She ran quickly after the disappearing figure, the darkness encasing them as the plant curtain fell back into place. No one would know if they got lost in here, she thought. Acid rose in her throat as the thought that maybe she'd been wrong about Loki pushed against her brain. That he is actually as evil as people said he was and was just leading her to her death---or something. That happened every now and again; old habits.

Everything was black. Black and silent. There was no sound whatsoever, except the occasional scuff of their feet on the uneven stone floor. Most people that describe darkness say that it's 'suffocating', but this wasn't like that. It actually seemed like...there was a tiny, light breeze pushing them gently in the back, nudging them forward. 

Something suddenly darted past Y/N's ear and she yelped, leaping forwards into something that started giggling. She punched it, earning a small 'hey!'

"It's not funny!" She protested, following Loki to the best of her ability, listening for the sound of his steps, or breathing, or something. He was almost completely quiet, but she somehow still knew he was only a foot or so in front of her. Knew or trusted, she wasn't sure.

"Calm down, It's just probably a bat or something. Nothing to be afraid of." His smooth voice echoed off the damp walls. 

Y/N knew they were damp, she kept one hand held out to the side, feeling her way and her fingers were wet.

"I'm not afraid! Where are we going anyway? And please walk a bit slower, I keep thinking I'll lose you." She let her other hand reach out, finding his green T-shirt in the dark and bunching a handful in her fist, anchoring herself.

"You won't lose me, I'm right here, and anyway, look, light." 

Y/N almost didn't recognise it at first, she felt she'd been in the dark for so long, although it had only been a few minutes. Ahead of her, a small slither of sunlight dappled and swirled on the cave wall. Well, she guessed it was sunlight, however, it appeared to be blue, like the ocean. Confused, she waited until they were nearer and edged past Loki, feeling the damp rock slide past her back, probably leaving a mouldy stain of ancient pondweed, but she didn't worry about that now. She was too distracted by the source of the odd blue light, which she now knew to be a reflection.

Turning a final corner, Y/N stopped in her tracks, causing the unprepared God to walk into her from behind, not that she noticed. The tunnel had lead them to a small cove, hollowed out by apparently years of water erosion. The once pointed rock walls to become smooth curves up to the dome-shaped ceiling, which had a hole, like a volcano, leaning directly to the peak of the mountain, flooding the place with sunlight. Little streams of turquoise water trickled down from cracks in the walls, glittering and glowing, running over the rounded floor that looked just as soft as the rest of the rock, in layers, some dark, others light browns and greys, to form a large pool, seemingly bottomless in the centre.

There were plants too, dripping with dew, leaves vibrant greens, some large enough to be a shield, probably thick enough too. they towered above Y/N, and even Loki, casting colourful shadows onto their skin. Colour was everywhere, flowers, butterflies, everything seemed to full of life, considering this was a hole at least half a mile underground.

Y/N reached out to touch the petals of an oversized orchid, snow white and freckled with purple, like paint splatters. It felt like velvet beneath her fingers and seemed to hum with prosperity, this place seemed to give her energy, like she was part of the earth again.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, still marvelling at---well everything. "How did I not know about this place?" she asked, turning to Loki, who was smiling fondly at her, enjoying her look of amazement.

"Not many people do. Mother took me here when I was a child. It was quiet and private and we came here often to practise my magic." He took the end of a fern leaf in his long fingers and examined it absentmindedly, as if deep in thought.

"You were very close to your mother?" Y/N asked gently. Since Frigga had been killed by the escaped inmate, the entire kingdom seemed to have lost a certain amount of moral. Her passing had hit Y/N hard, the queen was her role model growing up; ruthless but kind, independent and strong.

The prince expression seemed pained as he said quietly: "Mother was the only one who believed in me. I didn't get much attention from my father, or Thor most of the time, they were always off fighting. I often stayed at home, she knew I wasn't strong. But I was fast and clever. She helped me tame my gift, use it. She used to be the only one who really took any notice of me." Then he smiled and took Y/N's hand in his large palm and gave it a squeeze. "Used to be."

Y/N grinned back, looking up into his eyes that seemed genuinely happy, reflecting the sunlight of the pool in the centre of the cavern. She liked looking at Loki, she liked being with him. Any doubts r fears she'd had on the way here were completely forgotten. She decided that she cared a lot about him and he seemed to care a lot about her. That's why she wanted to ask something. 

Taking his other hand and pulling him to face her completely, stepping a little closer: "Loki? We've been friends for a while now and I think...." Why were her cheeks suddenly so hot? 

Y/N tried again: "I think---" 

Suddenly she was interrupted by the sound of a large bell sounding deep, off on the distance. They felt each other tense, and exchange a fleeting look of panic.

"Was...was that the warning bell?" Y/N asked slowly, listing hard for how many times it chimed.

"I think so. One, two, three... Four rings," he muttered gravely.

"An invasion." Biting her lip. "Come on."

Letting go of one of his hands and gripping the other tightly, she pulled him to the tunnel leading out of the mountain, feeling their way before being thrust from the mouth of it by their own momentum, and raced across the grounds towards the palace.

...

Y/N managed to keep up with Loki this time, the adrenaline pushing her forwards, her shorter legs almost keeping in time with the prince's long strides and they made it to the golden gates within minutes, gasping and panting. Thor was there, apparently waiting for them and Y/N pushed their feuds behind her for the moment and pulled her dagger from its sheath, ready for action.

"What's going on? We heard the alarm!" She looked around quickly assessing the area. No one else was there except them and Loki, who hung back, but also looked more concentrated, standing as if waiting for something to pounce out at them. Nothing did, however, and Thor approached them steadily, taking a deep breath.

"Three frost Giants attacked again, but this time they got in. Some other warriors and I tried to fight them off and we did but... It's Fandral."

...

Fandral lay on a nursing bed in the infirmary, face pale and beading with sweat. If he wasn't so weak his features would be controlled in pain. Y/N felt sick looking at one of her oldest friends, crimson blood seeping through the gaps in the bronze plating of his armour, staining the sheets below him. Too much blood, there was too much. 

Sif was holding his hand, her knuckles were white, she was squeezing it hard, not that that would make a difference. 

Y/N felt for her wrist, taking it in an effort to comfort her, and anchor herself. 

He wasn't going to make it. 

Hogun placed an arm around their shoulders and she leaned into him, letting him know it was appreciated. Her and Fandral had fought many great battles together, he had saved her life countless times. If only she had been there to save his.

Letting go of Sif, she turned around and pushed her way through the crowd to the doors, bursting through them and into the empty hallway, finally letting the tears in her eyes fall. She screamed, releasing pent up energy aching for the out, hurling her blade at the opposite wall and falling onto the floor, defeated. A weight was pushing against her chest like someone had punched her. 

She had just lost a good friend, she wanted someone to come to comfort her. Speaking of which, where was Loki?

Sniffing and rubbing her eyes with her fists, Y/N pushed herself up, discarding her weapon on the palace floor and stowed her emotions away, like she was so used to doing. She was a worrier, people get hurt. 

And where _was_ Loki? He was bigger than her and had long strong arms, she wanted them around her, to hug her broken pieces back together.

After searching the main hall, dining room, kitchens, foyer and his bedroom, Y/N had still failed to find Loki and was becoming more and more curious. There were few places she concluded he could be. Last on the list was the relics room, which he had apparently not been in since Odin's confession of his true parenthood. Still, it was a possibility, and she entered the lift and pushed the second to last button.

...

Sure enough, when the doors slid open, a tall silhouette stood facing the back wall, it's slender form familiar. Y/N approached it slowly.

"He's gone," she whispered, stopping behind Loki. 

He was silent, so she continued: "There was nothing we could do. But in case you feel guilty, Thor said it's not your or my fault we weren't there to... you know. I still feel bad though."

Loki placed whatever he had apparently been holding back on its pedestal with the ominous sound of something heavy grinding on rock, and faced her. His skin was a light blue, swirls of turquoise licking at his cheekbones and neck, snaking down, into his green shirt. His eyes were red. Not bloodshot, like he'd been crying...just...red.

Y/N didn't flinch.

Instead, she fell forwards, stepping closer to him and brought her arms up to encircle his slim waist, resting her head on the centre of his chest. "It's still my fault isn't it?" She choked, balling his tee-shirt tightly in her fists and closing her eyes before more tears began to fall.

"It's not your fault," he finally said quietly. "It's mine."

Y/N stopped sobbing and pulled away, meeting his eyes with a quizzical expression. 

He seemed void of emotion, face blank. Unreadable.

"What? Of course, it's not." She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"It is. It was me who brought you away from your guard duties, I was selfish." He sounded angry, though she wasn't sure why.

"Loki you mustn't blame yourself. I chose to go with you, and anyway, it's as Thor said, there nothing we could have done." She stepped forward to hug him again but he quickly reached out a hand and pushed her away.

Y/N stumbled, surprised, and raised her eyebrows at him.

"I'm sorry. It's just... I might hurt you." He took a step back and looked away from the warrior, who was watching him with confusion.

"What are you talking about? Just Come here." She laughed lightheartedly---he must be joking, trying to cheer her up, though she couldn't help it sounding a little forced. He couldn't possibly be thinking what she thought he was thinking? She moved to take his hand but he pulled it away.

Firmly, this time, "Please Y/N, stay away from me."

"Why? You're not like them." Y/N gestured to the door, referring to the Frost Giants that killed Fandral minutes ago, the thought of her friend making her voice catch. 

"Of course I am. Look at the things I have done in the past. Look at _me_. I'm a monster," he muttered bitterly.

She sighed, why didn't he ever think he was good enough? "This is stupid, of course you're not. You think this because you are a Frost Giant, don't you? Loki, just because a few drops of the ocean are dirty that doesn't mean the _whole_ _ocean_ is dirty."

"But what if the whole ocean _is_ dirty? Then It's _impossible_ for one drop to stay clean. Jotuns are known for their destruction and ruthlessness. They kill for no reason, without mercy, and I might too."

"I know you. I know you won't," she spoke slowly, fixing him under a stern stare and trying to get closer to him again, but he took another step back.

"For your own safety, please just leave." 

If Y/N didn't know any better, she'd say he sounded close to tears. 

"Loki, listen, you aren't one of them." Another step forward. 

Another step back. He looked panicked as she approached, as if they touched, they would self destruct. He raised his voice, "But how do you know Y/N!? _How do you know?_ " almost shouting, eyes watering.

"Because... Because---" Y/N groaned in annoyance. She couldn't find the right words, there was no way for her to put her feelings for him into sentences. She didn't know how to explain why she felt safe whenever he was near, or how just seeing him smile made her whole day brighter. She didn't know how to describe the sensations of excitement whenever they held hands, or how she would go to great lengths just to hear him laugh. She couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she always wanted to be touching him, or could sit in silence for hours with him and not get bored. She didn't know how to say any of these things.

So she showed him.

And suddenly

everything

made

sense. 

...

Y/N had grabbed the neck of Loki's tee-shirt and pulled him down and into her, leaning up on tiptoes to reach his mouth. Loki was still, frozen. Y/N thought for a second that he was going to pull away, but then she felt his large hands on her hips, pulling her closer and she knew he wasn't going anywhere. 

Is this all he needed? Did he just want a kiss to persuade him he was truly a good person? And he was kissing her back, softly and gently, but she didn't want gently, not after all this time. She stepped impossibly closer, pressing her whole body against him, kissing him more forcefully, catching his thin bottom lip in her teeth and biting, earning a hum of approval. She felt his pointed tongue slide smoothly along her own lips, she opened them, letting him explore her mouth, she liked his taste, his smell, the feel of him. Y/N realised that she had had a list of things she wanted to do to the prince. He groaned as she pushed her fingers up, and into his silky raven hair. She smirked against his lips; so he liked having his hair petted? She tangled her fingers in it, tugging, using it to pull him closer.

But they were running out of breath and they broke apart, leaning their foreheads together, ragged breaths mixing in the small space between them. Y/N still hand her hands in his hair and he was still gripping her waist, keeping her near; she anchored him.

"...We should be going to dinner," she spoke finally, softly, taking his hand. "It's in respects to Fandral."

Loki nodded and smoothed his hair down

"Will I really be welcome? He didn't exactly like me," he asked doubtfully, straightening his clothes. He'd returned to his usual colour, but he was more pink than usual, a blush dusting his cheekbones. He tried to calm his rapidly beating heart and tried to look sad again; someone _had_ just died. 

...

Supper that night was eaten in dismal silence, the only conversation being an occasional mutter to pass plates up and down the table. No one seemed to mind Loki being there and he paid his respects just as everyone else did when it was time for the burial.

Y/N knew she should be mourning, and she was very sad, she had lost a good friend, but her mind couldn't help wandering back to the kiss. Was it just a one-time thing? How long had he wanted to do that? Could they even pursue a relationship, it's not as if the kingdom approved of their friendship, how would they declare they were dating? 

If that's what they were even doing. The chemicals rushing through her blood from the kiss had quickly dissipated, leaving her with a sick feeling. Her throat tightened at the thought that she'd chosen today, of all days, to confess her feelings to Loki. That she'd confessed them at all. She hadn't even confessed them, just kind of...shown him that she felt that way. She hadn't even _asked_ if she could kiss him. 

But...he hadn't pushed her away.

In fact, he'd seemed to do everything he could to get her closer, stooping over, shoulders curved protectively about her. Does this mean he feels the same way?

She'd never thought of him like that, but now that she did it made perfect sense. 

The situation reminded her of a painting in the entrance hall; it was an optical illusion and she'd stared at it for hours as a child, trying to figure out what it was, then one day it has suddenly become obvious and she was amazed that it had taken her this long. 

...

When they had eaten and Odin declared the dinner to be over, Y/N and Loki slipped into the corridor behind the tapestry that leads up to his room. They were familiar with its uneven stairs and where its corners were, having used it as a secret passageway for the past few months. It's not that they were purposely keeping their meetings hidden, they just decided it was best if not everyone knew they met so frequently. Y/N, having given up with trying to persuade people of Loki's innocence, was painfully aware that being best friends with the city's number one criminal could damage her reputation, and the prince accepted the fact. He suggested they keep their rendezvouses a secret when possible, so she wouldn't have to face so much discrimination. He knew the only reason he hadn't been locked in jail was that Odin had considered his help with the dark elves a service, and his freedom a way of repaying his debt; Odin probably wouldn't like to see one of his employees with him. 

As soon as they were both in the safety of Loki's bedroom, Y/N closed the tunnel door and immediately took his waist, leaning up to kiss him on the mouth. He hummed in approval, then nudged her gently away.

"What's wrong?" she asked, stroking a thumb along his cheekbone. It felt good to finally do that. She'd wanted to for a long time. 

He leant his head into her hand.

"Y/N, we can't...Fandral has just died, don't you think this is inappropriate? And what if you're only doing this because you've had an emotional day and we're both upset---" 

She let him go and looked at the floor guiltily."I am sad about Fandral. I am. But his passing shouldn't get in the way of us getting on with our lives should it? This isn't just because I'm emotional, I've felt it for some time. I like you. A lot." She dared to meet his eyes and was surprised to see them looking close to tears. "What's wrong?"

He tackled her in a hug and nestled his nose into her shoulder. "I like you too."

They embraced for several seconds, Loki getting used to someone caring deeply about him for the first time in the past thousand or so years, and Y/N smiled to herself. Becoming aware of the god's muscled body against her, and felt a chill of excitement as she remembered how devilishly handsome he was---and that she could touch him now. She wanted to tell him he was gorgeous, she thought it would make him happy, so she did and got a slow kiss on the neck in return. She giggled when he didn't pull away, but instead carried on caressing bare parts of her skin, around her ear and along her jawline. She saw he was smirking when he moved his head to give the other side of her neck equal treatment and reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair, feeling his sigh of his pleasure on her cheek.

Loki made to pull away but Y/N's finger's tightened, not wanting to part ways yet, and she stepped closer, up against him, her leg moving between both of his. He chuckled and said in a low voice:

"What are you doing?" 

He got no answer, but felt Y/N's lips on his, and let his eyes slide shut again.

She nudged him backwards until he tripped on the bed and fell onto the covers. Asking if it was okay and getting a small nod, she hooked a finger under the neck of his tee-shirt and tugged it down enough to softly caress his collarbone. 

Loki sucked in a breath at the feel of her mouth on his pale skin. He was finding it hard to concentrate. "Y/N? I-I don't think this is a good idea," he half gasped, suddenly aware they had only just shared a first kiss a few hours ago.

Y/N pulled away quickly, sitting back so she was just on his lap. "Sorry, I didn't mean to---"

"No, I like it. It's just...is this really what you want?"

Y/N resumed what she was doing, seeing as she had permission, going back to crouching over him. She slipped her hand up his shirt, feeling his muscled stomach, skin soft and warmer than she expected.

He whimpered longingly as she left a bruise below his ear, sucking and biting. 

She smirked, knowing it was taking all his strength to keep his composure and she mumbled against his ear: "I've never wanted anything more in my life." 

...

Y/N woke up the next morning to the comforting sound of a slow thumping of a heart under her ear. She yawned widely and stretched her arm over the body next to her and rubbed her eyes sleepily. Her movements must have woken the god as she felt fingers being combed softly through her hair.

"Good morning," a velvety voice sounded and she felt a gentle kiss being placed on the crown of her head.

"Morning." Y/N couldn't help grinning to herself at the memory of last night. "Did you sleep well?

"More than well. Thanks to you." 

Y/N giggled and shuffled up the bed and turned onto her stomach until she was crouching over her partner, who looked up at her with a slightly anticipating expression, biting his bottom lip, giving her one of his trademark smirks. She leaned down like she was going to kiss him, then pulled away, grinning teasingly at his annoyed groan and slid out from under the green silk covers, gathering her things from the floor.

"We will continue this later, but for now, I need to get back to my chambers to change before everyone wakes up. We don't want anyone getting suspicious." She pulled on her shirt and trousers, threading her belt through the loops around her waist and tugged her fingers through her hair, wincing as they caught in a knot. 

Loki stood up too, pulling on yesterday's discarded underwear for now and stood behind the warrior, catching her wrists, taking her hand's place. He smoothed out the tangles gently, whether he was using magic; she wasn't sure. "We can't remain in the dark forever. At some point, people are going to start finding out." 

She turned round to face him and reached up to lean her arm on one of his broad shoulders, holding the back of his neck, meeting his green eyes gazing fondly down at her. "Find out about what?"

"Us." 

She retracted her arm and scratched the back of her neck nervously.

"Well...is there an 'us' yet? Shouldn't we maybe wait and see how it goes?" 

Loki felt his jaw tighten, clamping his mouth shut because his stomach had just smacked, hard, into the floor. "You didn't seem to want to 'wait and see how it goes' last night." 

Y/N shifted uncomfortably on her feet, avoiding his piercing eyes. 

"There's something else isn't there? Are you..." his mouth dry all of a sudden "...are you ashamed of me?"

"What?! No! I just... I just think it would be best if we wait a little while, you know? Before we make a public announcement."

Loki held her in his gaze for a good few seconds. It made him uneasy that she seemed to be avoiding his eyes. Even so, he gave a small nod. 

After all, it was a reasonable request.

...

Dating the Prince was the same as their hidden friendship from Odin, except now it was a hidden love affair, and the third party they were hiding it from was the entirety of Asgard.

It had been a few weeks, and Y/N was meeting Loki after her guard duties in the Palace Garden. When her dismission bell sounded that evening and she traded places with the night guard who would be filling her post until morning arrived, she pretended to walk back to the main entrance of the palace, then circled back around and broke off at a gravelled path leading back, deeper into the grounds. Checking no one had seen her, she edged along the hedges into the darker area on the outer fringes of the forest. During the day, this part of the garden was the most beautiful, with rows of multi-coloured flora sprouting from the neatly maintained flowerbeds.

She approached the small apple tree in the middle of the garden, faintly being able to make out a shadow in the moonlight. She couldn't help smiling and hurried over to the tall figure, who scooped her up and squeezed her tightly to his chest. 

"I missed you," Y/N mumbled against Loki's soft t-shirt and felt him chuckle, letting her go so they could sit down at the base of the tree trunk.

"You saw me this morning at breakfast." He clicked his fingers and the air around them seemed to glow faintly, giving them just enough light to see each other's fond smiles, and a picnic basket by the prince's knee.

"Well, I don't care, I still missed you." Y/N shuffled closer to him in the chilly night air and he pulled the basket in front of them and opened it, revealing some neatly packed fruits, some cake, and a bottle of mead. He handed Y/N an apple, knowing she favoured the red ones and she took it appreciatively, biting into its bittersweet flesh.

When the chill of the night air became too much for Y/N, even with the Prince by her side, the two decided to call it a night and head up to Loki's room to warm up. Y/N took the prince's hand and lead him back to the castle and through a backdoor, weaving her way between the routes she knew the night guards would be patrolling. They relaxed in the empty main hall and carried on a whispered conversation, giggling quietly as not to wake anyone.

Suddenly, Loki stopped, holding a finger up, dowsing them in silence. He looked like he was concentrating on listening to something. Loki motioned for Y/N to stay quiet and follow him behind one of the large pillars holding up the golden ceiling, and they pressed their backs to it, listening. Footsteps coming slowly nearer, the sound of shoes hitting polished floor growing steadily louder.

Y/N could make out one---no, two---pairs of feet, one significantly heavier than the other, drawing closer from the stairs a little further down the corridor. Then voices, a woman laughing, light and soft, the other deep and gravely; a man. She knew that voice, and Loki and Y/N exchanged a confused look.

"Before I take you back to Midgard, you must see the Palace Garden, it is simply beautiful," Thor's voice sounded from a little way off sounded, to which the woman replied

"But won't it be too dark?"

Loki pretended to vomit at his brother's 'charm' as the Thunder God went on to describe how the moon and stars would give them all the light they needed, but Y/N didn't laugh. Who was the woman he was talking with? Was she the 'secret girlfriend' Loki had told her about?

She was contemplating this all the way up the passageway behind the tapestry, she was so distracted in fact that she forgot which stairs were uneven and tripped into Loki, nearly causing them to fall in a heap on the floor. 

...

"Y/N," Loki mumbled against her cheek, trying to get her attention. They were sitting on the prince's bed, the young warrior biting a hangnail absently while Loki kneeled behind her, holding her shoulders and nuzzling her with his nose. "Y/N," he repeated and got no answer, so he tried a different approach and grinned, wrestling her playfully down onto the bed and leaning over her, smirking.

She didn't even smile, and his lips turned down into a frown as he sat back on his legs next to her.

"What's the matter?"

Finally, Y/N met his eyes, seemingly pulling out of her thoughts and let her hand reach up to wind some of the god's silky raven hair around her index finger.

"Nothing." She tugged his hair gently, like she was ringing a bell, something that always seemed to make him chuckle, but this time it didn't.

"Yes, there is, I can tell when you're lying."

She sighed.

"Fine. Was that Thor's secret girlfriend he was just talking to?"

Loki's expression didn't change.

"Yes, I think so. The girl from Midgard. Why?"

"Oh. No reason."

He watched her.

"Really, nothing is wrong."

When Loki still didn't seem convinced, she pulled him down to rub the side of her face against his cheek. He hummed---because she was warm and it felt nice. Y/N was always warm, and Loki was always a little cold. He liked this about her, how she always made him warm; his hands when she held them, his bedsheets when she laid in them, his heart when she smiled.

He thought about this as they drifted off to sleep that night. How Y/N made him so unexplainably content. He turned over on his side to nestle his nose in the hollow below her neck and felt her hand pull him closer by the hip. He smiled again. 

...

Thor's 'secret girlfriend' was at breakfast the next morning.

Breakfast in the palace is---like most occasions in the royal family's presence---a special occasion, and is treated as such. All those under the royal roof wake, dress, and attend the communal feast held just after sunrise. The cooks were up earlier in the morning, preparing the meal, eggs benedict, scrambled, hard-boiled, white or brown toast and bread, bacon and ham strips, sausages, beans, and to drink; various fruit juices and milk.

Y/N entered a few minutes before Loki, after sneaking to her own chambers to get dressed, and took her usual seat at the table, and loaded a golden plate with some scrambled eggs and a few slices of toast. She tried to act oblivious to Loki's later appearance and greeted him as if she hadn't seen him since yesterday's dinner.

He took a goblet and filled it with orange juice from the beaker in front of him and took her hand under the table, giving it a squeeze and shifting closer to her on the bench so that their legs were touching. The warrior tried to hide a smile, then noticed Thor enter the room, a woman--- slightly waved brown hair and willowy figure---hanging off his arm. They took a seat at the table, seemingly laughing at a joke, and the woman immediately moved up against Thor's side.

Loki noticed that Y/N had stopped chewing and was just staring at the couple, and he cleared his throat. When this still didn't get her attention, he nudged her side with his elbow.

Y/N jumped, blinking, dazed, and put down the piece of toast she was holding.

"Are you okay?" Loki asked as she stood from the bench and wiped the crumbs off her clothes.

"Yes. I'm fine," she snapped back coldly and began striding away. 

Confused, Loki downed the rest of his orange juice and stood too, earning a few looks of suspicion from those still at the table from their meal being interrupted, and hurried after her. 

...

"Y/N!" Loki called after the rapidly disappearing figure still walking purposefully towards the main stairs. He called again and sped up a little so he wouldn't lose her from his sight, then realised she was going in the direction of her chambers.

He stopped outside theY/N's, wondering if he would be allowed in, and knocked. "Y/N, are you alright?" He waited for a reply and the door opened, a signal for him to come inside.

He did, and shut it again, bolting it, and turned to the woman now sitting on the end of her bed. Loki had been in Y/N's room a few times when they met up in private, though not many as it's more difficult for them to sneak into than his own. The space, on the first floor with the other royal guard's rooms, is over fifty square feet, which is relatively large for just a bedroom and a private bathroom. Although all guards bedrooms are the same; gold walls, marbled floor, Y/N had tried hard to personalise her quarters as much as she could. The bedspread was sky blue, candles and ornaments and pot plants lined the few given shelves, and a few paintings and mirrors were leaning propped against the wall and atop a chipped wooden sideboard she bought in a market. The other furniture was sparse and a typical example of Asgardian craftsmanship---plane and practical, yet decorative in a minimalist sort of way, with carvings sweeping gracefully down table legs and curling around armrests.

Loki took a seat next to her and placed a hand on her knee, which she ignored.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks quietly, and Y/N's jaw clenched and she turned to him with a look of disbelief.

"Wrong? Where would you get that idea?"

He shrugged. "You seem upset, and..." He hesitated, mentally debating with himself whether he should bring up something he'd been pondering for a while. Y/N didn't seem to be much in the mood for discussing her feelings. And even if she was, he probably wouldn't get a very detailed answer. Warriors.

Deciding that he'd probably get about the same amount of information either way, Loki added: "You've been acting kind of...distant."

"No I haven't." Y/N shifted uncomfortably, the lie not sitting well with her. She knew she'd been acting differently recently and just hoped that Loki wouldn't notice. Of course he did, though, so understandably has questions. The problem is: Y/N didn't know how to answer them. It hurt her that she was projecting whatever issues she had onto her significant other, and her solution was to deal with this the same way that all people uncomfortable with emotions would:

denial.

"Yes, you have. I'm not having a go at you, I want to help."

"There's nothing wrong so you don't need to help."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "We both know there is." In a gentler tone: "I _want_ to help."

Y/N's temper flared a little, from a mixture of embarrassment and irritation at herself. Why was she acting strange? She has an amazing relationship with a partner who cares about her and now she's almost...sabotaging it. The thought scared her and she growled less than kindly: "Well, I don't want you to help!"

Loki was taken aback, and a little hurt. "Well at least tell me what's wrong."

Y/N didn't know how to so continued to stare stubbornly at the base of her wardrobe.

Loki sighed. "Okay, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine. But why? You have seemed malcontent since... ever since...yesterday... when we saw Thor and the Midgardian girl... is that what this is about? My idiotic brother's new girlfriend?"

Y/N tensed, and Loki snatched his hand back from her leg in surprise. " _What?_ You think I'm _jealous?_ You do don't you? Well, that is so typical of you, Loki!"

As she was speaking, Y/N couldn't help but wonder...why. It was like her mouth was moving by itself, unplugged from her brain and lead entirely by her own unchecked insecurity. "Loki is jealous of his brother, what a surprise!" She was standing now, and passing back and forth, but her anger seemed more nervous energy than rage. "What, you think _I_ want to be with that imbecile?! Well, you're wrong! I couldn't care less if he found some mortal human to fall in love with! So he's forgotten about me, that's fine! What did I expect? For him to carry on trying to win back my affections for weeks on end? Of course not. And that Midgardian woman is obviously far better suited for him than _I,_ his oldest friend who fought by his side at countless battles for over a millennium!"

Y/N stopped by the window, breathing heavily from her outburst. She knew now, she thought. Knew what had been causing that uncomfortable knot in the base of her stomach. Thor had lost interest in her, even if she never was interested in him romantically, she'd left him behind so suddenly. Left her previous life behind, in a way. Everything is different when you're friends with the realm's outcast. Y/N had hoped that she'd befriend Loki and slowly her new life and old life would merge, her old friends welcoming both her and Loki back with open arms.

But that hadn't happened.

And now she's treated like an outcast too. Sure, she's in a wonderful relationship. But a person needs more than that. Misses having more than that, after over a thousand years of good friends and approval.

Loki stood from the bed and approached her carefully, and lightly touched her shoulder to turn her around. "I'm not jealous. But I thought you said you didn't want to be friends with Thor anymore because he lied to you."

"I don't. I'm not his friend. I mean, I don't want to be, just..."

Loki let go of her and shook his head like he couldn't believe this was happening.

Y/N glared at him. "Don't give me that look! You know Thor and I were friends long before I met you! That has to count for something."

"It does, and I understand, but Thor is a boastful oaf and a liar. I just assumed that you had better judgment than to envy the one possessing his attention!"

Y/N looked as if she wanted to draw her sword and threaten him with it. "You hypocrite! You dare to disrespect _my_ judgment?! When you are the one that thought it was a good idea to let frost giants into Asgard, get Thor cast out of the realm, take over Midgard, then after all that, trust Thor to help you get the tesseract?" Y/N was leaning up to get close to his face. She knew that what she was saying was wrong. Yet she'd said it.

Loki swallowed and blinked hard. He knew that Y/N didn't believe for a second that he purposely get Thor in trouble, and she knew he was enslaved by Malekith when he invaded Earth. She was only bringing this up to hurt him.

"You're right! I am a hypocrite. I obviously do have terribly poor judgment, or I never would have trusted you! How stupid was I to think you genuinely _cared_ about me! Why would you, when you can have lovely Prince charming, heir to the throne, hero to all, hated by no one?" He realised his eyes were damp and wiped then with the back of his hand angrily, and looked at Y/N, waiting for her to say something. To tell him she does care about him. To deny her jealousy of The Midgardian Girl. To apologise and ask him to do the same so they could get over this and continue with the secret meeting and late-night cuddling and kissing when no one was watching.

But she didn't.

Loki sighed, feeling empty and yet somehow so full of rage, and spat: "I hope you're happy together."

And left. 

...

Days went by. Then weeks. Y/N saw Loki around and avoided his eyes, which felt odd; for a short while counting the shades of green used to be one of her favourite pastimes.

Loki didn't try to talk to her, and seemed to be actively going out of his way to keep his distance, from everyone, for that matter. He only surfaced for meals, where he sat alone at the farthest corner of the table by the door, so he could slink off without anyone noticing when he's finished eating.

Y/N noticed, though, and often watched him go with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach.

After Loki had left, Y/N had spent a few days moping around the palace grounds, not quite sure what to do with herself. She had gotten used to his presence over the past months and would often turn to tell him something she'd been thinking about; but of course, there was no one there.

Well, there was sometimes someone: Thor had accepted Y/N back into the group with open arms (literally and figuratively). He'd never really given up since the night in the garden. The way he saw it, Y/N was a warrior and would always be a warrior. She'd come back once she saw his brother's true colours, or gotten bored with the 'sullen outcast' he'd always played. It had been that way since they were children, one of Thor's friends would find interest in the dark-haired boy whose always reading, play with him for a short time, before returning to Thor's side. Frigga said it was because Loki had a 'special personality. He was sensitive and shy, but most other children on Asgard, especially Thor's friends, were not. Just like them, Y/N would find Loki amusing for a bit, then return, Thor thought.

It was for this reason that Thor didn't mention Y/N and Loki's fight---he didn't know about it. He assumed she'd been one of many to bore of his antics. He didn't enquire to what had drawn a wedge between them.

Those that were not aware of Loki's track record with friendship, however, were very curious. They'd been used to seeing Y/N and Loki laughing and talking amongst themselves. It had been somewhat a topic of interest amongst those that resided in the palace. Feelings had been mixed, ranging from anger at Y/N, for forgiving Loki for his sins, to feeling pleased for the younger prince, seeing as he'd been pardoned by Odin.

"Are you going to eat this?"

Y/N jumped and blinked her thoughts away, turning in confusion to the large blond man next to her who was holding a bread roll an inch from her nose. "No. You can have it."

He buttered it heavy-handedly, so much so that little, sticky crumbs were torn off and thrown into the middle of the table.

"You should accompany me to a battle, Y/N! Get you out and about. You can't spend the next hundred years moping around the palace all day and patrolling up and down that same miserable little stretch of garden. We could join a fight in another realm; there must be one going on somewhere."

Out of habit, Y/N felt her interest pique, then trail off. And she liked patrolling the royal gardens. She could see the tree Loki had taken her to for that picnic. The night she saw the Midgardian girl and ruined everything. "Thank you...but I'd rather not. I'm fine, you don't have to keep worrying about me, Thor."

"Of course I worry about you, we're best friends."

Hearing him say that didn't register a response, at first. He's said it a lot over the past thousand years, Y/N was used to it, as one gets used to the sound the wind makes through trees, or becomes accustomed to the waves when you live by the sea.

But then her brain caught up, turned the phrase over a few times, analysed it, before realising that it deserved a reaction. She'd been away from the sea, away from the trees---metaphorically speaking---for a while, and now she's back and can hear them.

The constant, ever-present company of warriors, fighters, brash language and dominating voices seem louder than before. She didn't use to get headaches after a day spent with her friends, now she finds herself having to hold back plees for inside voices. She'd not only complete her duty as a guard alongside them, but spend evenings, and night too, drinking with them in taverns, moving to the next when the previous closes. Thor was right, though. Now Y/N 'mopes around the palace', as he'd put it. Well, to him it would seem like moping.

What Y/N was actually doing was something most warriors were not well practised in; being quiet.

Whilst with Loki, Y/N had to be quiet, because he spoke softly. Hushed, each word leaving his mouth purposefully, as if he'd given it a great deal of thought before deciding that it was the right one. Sometimes she wondered if he spoke this way---lowering his tone to a point that if they were outside the sounds of the city drowned him out---on purpose. Because he liked how she would have to lean closer to listen to him, her eyes aglow with interest and his with shy pride in the fact that he had an audience. Someone who wanted to listen. Or maybe he just liked the tranquillity, hearing what was going on around him. Admiring the little things that you don't have the pleasure of witnessing when you're bellowing jokes to friends across a room, your mind foggy with mead.

Y/N had become accustomed to the quiet. She'd taken up reading, and found her mind's eye pining over the novels in her chambers whilst she worked. When her shift would end, instead of joining her friends for a drink, or five, she'd gravitate straight to her room to read, write, or just stare out the window and think. Like Loki had been doing when she'd demanded he fixes her shoulder what seems like a millennia ago.

Y/N had changed. Despite almost everything being back to normal now, Y/N couldn't deny it, her _life_ had changed.

Thor wasn't her best friend now. Loki was. Even if she wasn't his.

...

Loki was leaning his forehead against his bedroom window, watching his breath condense when it swirled against the pane; one of his old pastimes. He'd done it before---when he was a lonely child, a lonely teen, then a lonely adult---because he was moping, but now he did it because he was thinking. He'd done a lot of that recently, more than he'd done in several hundred years. He'd never really needed to think because his life had been somewhat consistent. He'd read, write, go on walks. Occasionally he'd make a friend who'd then leave him for a large group of acquaintances. But now all he wanted to do was think, cast his mind back to... well, to when he'd actually been happy.

His failed relationships had never bothered him before. Obviously they _had_ , but not because he missed the person who'd left him, more the fact that he had been _left._ He didn't miss the individual, he missed the company. That is, until Y/N.

She'd barged into his room, demanding his services, which already set her aside from the rest. No one had ever de _manded_ anything from him. They didn't have the nerve. They very rarely a _sked_ him for things, and when they did it was with a nervousness that made him realise they'd never seen them as equals. He'd always be The Prince. He'd be talking to someone then notice their eyes clouding with a daydream, it occurring to him that they'd only been listing because they felt they had to.

Not with Y/N, though. If she wanted to stop listening, or to leave, she would.

And she had.

And the loss ached like a severed limb.

Loki mentally corrected himself; he'd left, not her. But she hadn't chased after time, hadn't spoken to him since, which made her position very clear. In an odd way, it was a comfort to know that this relationship had ended because they'd had a real argument, instead of the person losing interest, leaving to hang out with Thor instead, or because the person saw being friends with a royal as too much responsibility.

Y/N had treated him like a person. Naturally, she was wary of him at first---under the impression that he'd betrayed the kingdom, and all. She'd regarded him with critical curiosity, studying him, forming an opinion. Almost at once he found himself showing off. He'd watched the way he moved, how he spoke, what he said. She'd stumbled, almost blacking out from the pain of her wound, and he'd caught her, lowing her down into his bed with a gentleness he'd never shown another person. Then later he'd played over their meeting in his mind and felt oddly and uncomfortably helpless. He didn't know what to do about the flood of tenderness that had welled up in him. Some part of him wanted to pursue it. It was new and exciting and had felt... nice. He'd been contemplating what to do, when Y/N had tumbled into his room merely a few minutes later, accidentally bringing him the answer. So the days went on, and they were sitting in Loki's room one morning and Y/N had done something small like fiddle with her hair (of which he had become bafflingly fond) and just like that he was in love. The feeling came so quickly and easily, slipping into his heart like thick syrup and flooding his chest. Y/N had noticed his change in expression and asked if he was okay, to which he could merely nod.

Loki was half convinced their relationship had never happened. It seemed too good to be true; not only gaining a best friend but a lover, also, all in the space of a few weeks. Maybe he'd been alone for so long that he'd started to lose his mind?

If it wasn't for the last remnants of Y/N's presence, Loki may have very well believed that. A comb she'd kept on his dresser so she looked presentable if someone was to notice her leaving his room after they'd spent the night together. A drawing she'd done with Loki's charcoals when it had been raining too hard to leave the palace. A bookmark, holding the place in a novel she'd asked him to read to her.

The memories caused a small pang of pain to claw at Loki's heart. Why had he lashed out? He had completely understood why she was upset, all the sudden changes in her life, losing friends. She'd gained things too, but that does not, by no means, revoke her right to mourn her losses. Loki finds himself playing that argument out in his head regularly, tweaking his actions to see how he could have done it differently---how he wished he'd have acted differently in the moment. He'd decided now, as he noticed the weather darken with puddle-grey clouds, that if he was given the chance to have that fight again, he would not have it at all. He would have just dropped it, let Y/N grieve her past life. He's pretty sure that had he done that, just given her space, she'd still be with him.

She'd still sneak out of her room every night and into his, slipping under the covers of his bed until he could feel the heat of her body pushing against his.

She'd still spend her free time with him, giggling at his jokes and watching him with quiet admiration while he revelled in pleasure at the fact that he'd managed to make her laugh.

She'd still kiss him, love him, mapping out the hills and mounds of his muscles and bones with her lips.

And he'd still get to touch her.

He'd still be able to try to make her laugh.

...

The sun had just started sinking in the sky as the bells sounded, loud and frantic throughout the palace. It took them a surprising amount of time to register in Y/N's consciousness.

She was perched on the sill of her window, her knees drawn up to her chest enough to lean the heavy volume she was reading on them like a book-stand. She sat here most evenings now, catching the last of the fading natural light before she'd have to switch to a candle. The novel she was reading depicted one of the many ancient battles of Asgard, and had been written by hand some time ago, concentration needed to decipher the scribe's scrawling hand and outdated language. She'd never tackled something so challenging. She'd never felt so competent.

Y/N read a whole paragraph before the continuous ringing caught her attention. She'd been trained to constantly be listening for these bells, these ones that meant ' _an army is attacking_ '. In the past she would have leapt up at the first ring, recognising the pitch immediately; it's her job. So when she awoke from her stupor, dragging her mind from the material before her, Y/N was confused as to why she was still sitting there.

Heaving the book off her legs, she stood and made her way to the weapons room. Instinct got her moving, but seeing the halls filled with fleeing occupants woke her up. Breaking into a sprint, she almost ran headlong into Thor. "What's going on?" She yelled up at him. She'd stopped him by grabbing his forearm, and could already feel him tugging, wanting to be let go so he could join the fight.

"Whole army of frost giants!" He'd started to move away from her but she held him firmly.

"Where?"

He managed to get free, calling back to Y/N as he went: "Everywhere!"

An unfamiliar lump formed in Y/N's throat as she grabbed a sword from the weapons room. The blade was shorter than she was used to, stubbier and heavier. She'd been late so had last pick, the racks bare by the time she'd got there. Y/N had hoped that the feeling of a weapon in her hand would get her into the mood for battle, but so far it hadn't.

...

Thor had not been wrong when he'd said that the frost giants were 'everywhere'. Fights were breaking out all over the city's centre like mushrooms on a damp log. As soon as Y/N had stumbled from the palace doors she caught her first sight of one of the attackers. Instead of lunge at him like she usually would, however, Y/N found herself thinking:

The small invasion---the one that she had been too busy with Loki to help with---must have been a scout group. They'd been looking for the palace's weak spot and obviously found it. Why do they keep trying to break into the palace? To kill Odin? To steal his artefacts? Is anyone even looking into this, actually trying to solve the problem? Or will it be another thousand years from now and they're still fighting the same battles?

A warrior Y/N vaguely knew almost hit Y/N over the head with her battleaxe. She didn't mean too; her fight with two burly frost giants had moved towards where Y/N was daydreaming, despite her efforts to keep them as far from the palace as possible. Y/N ducked just in time, intersecting a blow from the taller of the assailants with her stubby sword.

When she'd been surveying the scene, it was obvious that the frost giants were outnumbered. By her calculations, this probably won't become a fully-fledged war. It may even be dealt with before the sun had fully set. Y/N found herself hoping that it would, and then wondered where her fighting spirit had gone to.

...

Y/N couldn't get used to her sword. Where the ones she'd usually go for are slightly unbalanced to build up momentum for a strong swing, this shorter sword's blade was the same weight as it's handle. She found that her movements were disorganised, almost clunky, contrary to the grace and flow she'd been so proud of before.

Everyone around her was either shouting with effort, or screaming in fear. People who hadn't yet fled dodged the chaotic onslaught of---what Y/N now saw as---meaningless violence, grabbing at each other, tugging them along and jostling to get out of harm's way. Two men in humble clothing were struggling to carry three children between them, each man having one child on their back and the third's hands clenched in theirs as she ran, flanked by them. The group had to separate, however, as a frost giant fell heavily where they'd been only moments ago, it's moan of pain scaring the girl, making her run in the opposite direction. Y/N watched as one of the men passed the boy he'd been carrying to (who Y/N assumed was) his partner, and bravely went after the girl.

She'd been so distracted by this scene, the terror and confusion of this family, the first time she'd properly appreciated how battle affects the majority, that she didn't notice the fallen frost giant. He'd managed to get to his feet, and seeing Y/N standing there in some kind of trance, took the opportunity to swing at her with his sword.

Some instinct tugged Y/N's muscles into motion, pulling her into a clumsy ducking position, but the tip of the blade still made contact with her upper chest, slicing a clean line leading to her shoulder.

The shock of the cold air meeting that naked line of flesh, the suddenness of the attack, the disorientation that came with everything now being drowned in semi-darkness made Y/N lose balance. She fell backwards, landing on the grass trampled from hundreds of feet, looking up at the frost giant as it tried to take another swing. Y/N would have wondered if she was going to die, had she been in her right mind.

She didn't die, though, because the frost giant's original assailant had caught its attention, resuming where they'd left off. Y/N took her chance and pushed herself up, running for the back entrance to the palace where, once inside, she let herself lean against a wall, panting. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. How _stupid_ she'd been, standing there daydreaming instead of doing her job. She'd kept waiting for that spur of energy, that excitement and thrill that combat used to spark in her. But it had never come, and she'd wandered about aimlessly, getting hurt _again._

She started as a metallic clang sounded close to her, then realised it was just her own sword falling to the floor, her hand having ceased to grip it. Her arm ached. Wearily, she tugged her armour down a little, exposing the damage done by the frost giant's attempt at taking her life.

The cut had hit her old shoulder wound, that still hadn't fully healed. Glad it wasn't something more deadly, Y/N pulled her armour back up, wincing, and thought about retrieving her sword. As she leaned down to pick it up, though, she noticed the growing pool of blood on the front of her clothes. _'I need to get that stitched up,' s_ he thought. _'I wouldn't be very good in battle if I keel over from blood loss halfway through'._ Then sighed, as much as it hurt her wound to do so, ' _I wasn't very good in battle anyway.'_

The pain was setting in and Y/N let her feet carry her in the direction of someone that would help her, taking the elevator and eventually stopping outside a golden door at the end of a hallway. It was only then that she realised where she'd gone. What she'd gravitated to as naturally as a migrating bird can find its home country.

Loki's room.

...

Y/N stood outside Loki's bedroom, mentally debating with herself whether she should be there. Her brain was fogged with pain and adrenaline, so the debate was mostly just between her muscle coordinators; her hand reaching out to knock, then being drawn back, reaching out, then back, over and over.

_Just knock._

She considered turning around and going straight to where she should have gone; to the official palace heeler. Even if she'd have to wait for three hours for her turn, and sit among warriors with gory injuries (compared to her petty scratch), it would be less uncomfortable than having to look Loki in the eyes.

Would it?

_His pretty eyes._

Once his eyes had been a place of comfort, a tranquil retreat of emerald and seafoam. Now she feared they would only flare up that feeling of loss simmering just above her surface, anger the metaphorical old wound. Remind her of what she once had. _'Feared.'_ It was just a _fear_. Since when does she care about _fear_?

Why was she even here?

_I want my friend back._

Her hand had knocked before she'd even registered it had formed a fist.

The sound echoed about the hallway, and, for some reason, Y/N felt herself check over her shoulder that no one was watching her. It felt gross to pine over him, pine over anyone. She didn't want to be seen weaselling her way back, convincing herself she needed his help just so she could get another look at his face. Did she even cross his mind?

No one answered her knock, but her blood was so thick with anticipation, a yearning to at least look at the man she still loved, that she tried the handle and gave the door a nudge. 

...

Loki wasn't in his room, and Y/N had to wait for over an hour for him to come back. She'd like to say that some sensible part of her brain had urged her to get up and leave; to pretend she hadn't waited for him, daydreaming about a prince sweeping her off her feet in joy at the sight of her upon his return.

But that would be a lie.

She _had_ daydreamed about him sweeping her off her feet. About his face splitting into a grin when he opened his door and saw her sitting on his bed.

And she hadn't thought about leaving.

Once Y/N had stepped over the threshold, visual memories of the blissful short time she'd spent in this room flooding her inner eye, sensual memories of how she'd been touched in this room flooding her nerves, all doubt had left her. Even if Loki throws her out, or even worse---ignores her---it will be better than had she continued the way they had been. Pretending it never happened. _'I_ _need closure',_ Y/N thought. To know it was over so she doesn't spend the next hundred years wondering if he'd take her back if she'd have just asked.

...

Loki paused outside his bedroom door, which was ajar. His hands---that he now moved to the handles of the daggers at his sides---were wet from washing them, dusted pink where he'd scrubbed at dried bloodstains that didn't seem to want to let go of his skin. Slowly, as not to make any sound, he drew the blades and stepped into his room.

Then sheathed them immediately.

Y/N was perched at the end of his bed. She'd been facing away from him, seemingly staring out the window, but her head wasn't entirely directed at the view, so she could have just been deep in thought. He waited a little while, before clearing his throat to get her attention. Because this is the closest she'd been to him in what felt like forever. And he didn't really know what to say---what s _he w_ as going to say---and he was afraid that it would be bad.

Y/N turned to the origin of the noise, muscles tensing; she must have not heard him approach. They remained tense as her gaze fixed itself on his---hers unreadable and his curious but wary. Her mouth opened as if to say something, but the words had died at the uncharacteristic vulnerability written all over Loki's face, and she closed it again.

Loki caught himself, collecting up the pieces of him that had fallen out of place over recent weeks, forcing them back together in a desperate effort to look nonchalant. He closed his door behind him with a lazy nudge of his foot, and strolled over to his dresser, starting to remove his armour. It was a slow process, fingers fiddling smoothly with belts, buckles, etcetera, and he was glad of it, for that gave him a distraction. Something to look like he was busy doing.

He was almost tripped up when Y/N muttered:

"I've been here for ages. Where were you?" It didn't sound accusatory, more inquisitive.

Loki could almost feel her piercing stare taking in all the little details of him, analysing. It was that same calculating look she'd given him when they'd first properly met, the one he'd found himself showing off for almost immediately, and he realised now, with confusion, that he was doing it again. "I was helping."

Y/N was silent for a second. For some reason, it hadn't occurred to her that that's where he could have been. She knew Loki was capable of combat, more than capable, but it still seemed strange to imagine him actually _doing_ it. "Why did you stop? Did we win?"

"It's not over yet, I got tired. I'm not strong enough to fight with physical force, so I use magic. Uses more energy." If it bemused Loki that he'd admitted something so personal---a weakness---with such ease, he didn't let it show. "What do you want?" He didn't sound accusatory either. He'd finished removing his armour, leaving him in the tshirt-and-trouser-like outfit he wore beneath it; green top, black trousers, and turned to face Y/N.

She watched his eyes slide to the stain of blood slowly growing at her shoulder. His expression didn't change, just flickered. To quickly to decipher what emotion he'd almost let slip. "I need you to do that thing you did last time. With the stitches that healed me really quickly."

' _There she was demanding, again.'_ Loki thought and almost couldn't help the corner of his lip twitching.

...

Loki stitched.

Y/N couldn't tell if he was in an almost trance-like state, ignoring her, or whether he was paying as much attention to the present moment as she was. And she w _as_ paying attention---because she had too; to distract herself from the needle, the slow ache of her wound. And because she wanted to. To look at him up close, feel his touch and warmth, his scent and just the feeling of him being _there._ So close.

She was paying attention to his breathing; steady, but as if he was trying to make it that way, controlling it. She remembered the way it used to caress her skin.

To his hair, like raven feathers, tickling his face, not that he made any effort towards putting it back behind his ear. She recalled how it felt to have it slide through the gaps between her fingers.

His lips. She recollected the explosions of sensation they can cause, the waves of calm, the feeling of belonging.

Loki tore the thread with his teeth, finishing up his work. He hesitated, then tentatively pulled Y/N's armour back up over her shoulder. He'd done it slowly, not being able to help letting his gaze slide over her collar bone, the base of her neck. She likes to be kissed there. He used to start at that small hollow, following the bone right, then up, finally stopping at her ear to catch the lobe between his teeth. A smile almost twitched at his lip at the memory of her reaction.

He felt something warm cupping his jawline. Y/N was holding his face, running a thumb over his cheek. He didn't say anything, but she felt the weight of his head as he leaned a little into her palm.

"I'm sorry," Y/N said.

Loki met her eyes properly for the first time in what felt like years.

"Every day I think about how much I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "No, I am. I didn't give you the space you needed. I kept pushing you into a life you weren't ready for."

Y/N's breath caught in her chest. "So you're not angry with me?"

Loki took her hands in both of his, clasping them like if he let go she'd be pulled away from him, he'd lose her, lose his chance at mending the damage he'd done. "Of course I'm not angry with you! _You_ should be angry at _me---_ "

"But I said such awful things---"

He couldn't take it anymore, her guilt, her distance, and moved forward, pushing his forehead into hers, and Y/N leaned back into him appreciatively. "You didn't, they were true, most of them, I deserved it after what I said, you were just standing your ground---"

He was uttering nothings, and then it suddenly occurred to him that he didn't care. About any of it. It had all been so s _tupid._ "Look, Y/N, don't you see? It doesn't _matter."_ He was still holding her hands. "I don't want it to _matter_."

She wriggled them free, and Loki would have whimpered had she not then taken the sides of his face and pulled him in for a crushing kiss. He relaxed, shoulders slumping in relief, and kissed back.

Y/N was so thankful he kissed back.

Loki knew that he had to be gentle with her, her wound was still healing. He kept his hands at her sides, stayed still, even though all he really wanted to do was tug her onto his lap.

Y/N sensed his hesitancy, that he was holding himself back, not wanting to overwhelm her with the full front of the passion of his desires.

_He's not angry at me. He said it doesn't matter._

Not wanting to cross some invisible line.

_Screw the line._

Deepening the kiss, Y/N let go of his jaw and took his waist, sliding her hands up painfully slowly, feeling his chest, his muscles, his neck, submerging her fingers in his hair.

Loki moaned helplessly, his grip tightening comfortably at her hips.

...

They sat on the lip of Loki's bed, kissing for a long time. Until their lips were full and red and slightly sore, not that they noticed. Until their hair stuck up, eyes sparked, cheeks pastel pink.

The kiss had started heated. It had started with desperate hands and pure lust, making up for weeks of pining. But then when they'd caught up---quenched that thirst---the lust was overwritten by love and fondness. Gentle, long, drawn-out kisses replaced the quick desire-filled ones. Soft, relaxed moans replacing aroused groans. They didn't know which they prefered; having the other want to consume them, want them, or having a person care about them, want to look after them. They were both equally as wonderful.

With each kiss, Y/N would suck Loki's lip, run fingers over his head, kiss down his neck and into his shirt, up and around his ears while he caught his breath. At one point he beat her to it, getting to that place by her collarbone he knew she liked, feeling her collapse against him, the warm life of their body against his.

When they pulled away, Loki asked, because he had to know, "So...you forgive me?"

Y/N felt him utter it against her lips, his breath brushing her skin. "One hundred per cent. I was never really angry with you in the first place. I was just scared."

A flurry of happiness like a butterfly in his chest made him grin. "And we're...together again? They'll be more of this?"

Y/N took the sides of his head, tipping it forward enough to kiss his forehead. "I want there to be. If you do."

Loki couldn't help wrapping his arms around her, pulling Y/N to his chest despite her shoulder, burying his nose into the crook of her neck. "More than anything." 

_ EPILOGUE... _

The battle had raged on outside their window as they lay between the sheets of Loki's bed. It had been a silly thing to do---what if the bell had sounded, telling everyone to evacuate the palace?---but they didn't care. They were too in love to care (in the end it didn't matter, for they later found out the invaders had been defeated, and Asgard was at peace once more).

Loki pushed himself up on one elbow to lean above Y/N as her head rested on his pillow. He had held the side of her face, gently, moving a stray lock of hair from her forehead. It didn't need to be moved. Just an excuse to touch her.

He was thinking that he very much liked her being there; on his pillow.

Y/N stared back up at him as his eyes explored her face, sweeping over her every detail like he was committing them to memory.

She was thinking about the past few months. About the months to come.

It occurred to her that the sounds of war from the grounds below had quietened a little, and she eventually said, the words mixing in the small space between them:

"I wasn't as good as I used to be. On the battlefield. I found myself thinkingabout peaceful solutions, and cringingat the violence. I was flicking my sword about, trying to get some guy's blood off it, and I found myself wishing I was up in my chambers reading instead." She couldn't help her lips pulling up into a smile, at what she'd become, and reached a hand up to cup Loki's jawline. "You made me soft."

Loki smirked one of his trademark smirks. "Love makes people soft." He flushed as he realised what he'd just implied, and continued bravely: "Caring about people makes you realise that life is fragile and should be protected. Sharpening your mind makes you astute enough to realise there's ways of doing that that don't end in wiping blood from your hands."


End file.
